Bre, the Alien Faerie.

Just a few months shy of a year
You’ve ruined everything we ever had before the annual mark
Like a summer thunderstorm, you’re just noise without the weather
And you’ve worn me down, eroding with the rust from your rain
Just a few things you had the chance to change
Gave it up for three days at a time of being care free
Three days of not caring about me
The things that pushed me away from you
You did repeatedly, without remorse
Now you have someone to replace me
An older model no doubt, with a little baggage of her own
That you won’t be concerned with
Living like a parasite
Just sucking down all that you can grasp
That you can easily obtain through deceit
A fool like me, fell for your tricks
A clever girl like me, left
I was ignorant, not dumb
And you picked the wrong bone to pick
Because I’m a tough one
And you’re no match for me
The tables have turned
Now you pine after me and sulk in your self pity
Moving on and happy
I see your every flaw and wonder
What I saw in you, ever
Close minded and weak hearted
You’re not a man, and not a myth
But a small boy, throwing tantrums
Dressing up in sheep’s clothing
Crying wolf
I hope she’s big and bad
And she blows your ego down
I hope you’re irrevocably sad
And you never forget my
Name

Your ghost follows me around and clouds

The front of my mind

I’d try to escape it, if I didn’t love it so much

If I didn’t need you so much

It speaks in a language only I understand

Tells me secrets and lies and stories

I’d try to drown it out if I didn’t

Find the sound so damn beautiful

Your ghost follows me around

And I’ve been trying my hardest 

To learn necromancy

There’s a fire in my gut and blood in my nose

My skin is on fire, and I’m stepping on my toes

I tried to tell you baby, I’m a beast, I’m a monster

But you don’t even waver, no darling you won’t falter

I tried to drown it out, yeah, I tried to just ignore it

But sideways looks and fingers crooked, I picked it up and floored it

Attempt to close my eyes, ends with a wide open epiphany

That I am, only what I am, and to try to change it is perfect insanity

There’s a beer in my hand and smoke in my lungs

When people ask about me, I say I’m only having fun

They can’t see the war I wage, deep in the caverns of my mind

They just see me dancing, and wasting all my precious time

This constant fight against the tidal waves of your feelings,

Is getting tiresome

And the slow torture of the hunger, of the chase,

Is becoming combersome

I’m only begging

No

Pleading to you, with you, and and for you

To just listen and pretend you’re me

Then you could feel this crushing weight of my desire for you

Mechanical and over emotional in the same whimper of breath

I’m being snuffed out

My edges are being softened, preparing to become

Transluscent

Like the stare you give me when I express a fear or doubt

Eventually you’re going to smear me away

Like a splash of mud on your cheek

And I will never have existed at all

This never ending war between what I said and what I meant,

Is leaving a real bad taste

And the frame of my person is twisted and bent,

Just about to break

You saw me standing in the middle of a circle

Pecked on my window from the back of your horse

Asked if I’d like to come outside and see you

Smoked from our left hands on my mother’s porch

And at first I didn’t care if you showed up

But had fun when you would come my way

You chased me round like a summer rainstorm

I ate it up and let you put even more on my plate

I saw you hiding in a spot that I knew of

You got upset when I found you in the dark

There’s not one thing that you could hide from me

No better sleuth than a threatened heart

Then I cared when you weren’t around me

The anxiety is drowning me completely out

I’ve never felt so much, so strong, not enough

All my confidence has morphed into doubt

You saw me dancing on the tail gate of your truck

I saw you watching like a beast hunting prey

I did all I could to please your blue eyes

I always sort of knew, you were going to be this way

It’s like drawing blood from a stone, he said

Trying to get love from you

You’re always protecting yourself, with walls and traps and trigger fingers

It’s like collecting water from squeezing sand, he said

You’re like a puzzle with missing pieces, she said

Constantly changing your form and surrounding light

Flaky and ever changing direction like the wind

You’re like an unfinished picture, she said

You’re like an unsafe bet, they said

Too spontaneous and out of sync with the world

Tried to fit you in but you stand out

You’re not born to this kind of breed, they said

I haven’t the energy to care, I said

Nor the time to comform myself

I’ve been a gypsy queen for far too long now

And I’ll never stay the same

The rest of you are messed up, I said

I’ve learned my lesson, I’ve paid my dues

I should’ve listened to my brain, when it saw through you

Now I’ll lock my heart back up and throw away the fucking key

I tried to make it work, but how it worked wasn’t making me happy

We’ve been over this before, and you just don’t want to listen

The waiting me’s been laid to rest, and a monster has arisen

There’s a beast inside of me, nourished by your neglect

If you thought I was bad before, you have not seen anything yet

Going to make myself transform, make you wish you would have paid attention

And when you see me sharing smiles with someone else, you’ll see what you are missing

Smarter, stronger, better, tougher, so that I’m able to resist you

There’s a new day coming fast, and allmy grey skies fade to blue

Unrelenting whispers spout from the mouths of ghosts

Creeping up from the shadows of your past

And I am afraid of the consequence from love

I am terrified to be in the grip of your two arms

To be sucked back into the abyss where you lost your heart

I try to take leave but your words haunt and keep me

Close to the place where I began this mess

Where I set the spell in motion with my eyes and hands

Where I made you drunk off the feeling of being with me

Casting dancing shadows in the backdrop of the full moon

High from the summer night heat

Telling words spill onto tipsy hearts from the lips of lucid lovers

We built this fire high and hot

And then act surprised when it takes over and we

Can’t put it out

There’s a long hallway with a dim light

My bare feet creep along the edge of the wall

Tired hands feel for a doorknob

I can hear someone fighting and someone lying

I can make out the sound of

A sobbing child

Chaos soaks the world around me, making all the solid truths into sogging lies

The light starts to flicker and attacks a soft spot in my brain

Sensing the ghosts from my past and future sneaking up on me,

I frantically grasp a knob and turn, falling into a room

My sore eyes take a minute to adjust

And a woman with jade colored hair and magenta colored eyes, helps me to my feet

She says, “Sugar, I can only help you for a little while.”

And she kisses me on the mouth and blows smoke into my lungs

For what seems like a few hours, I’m smiling and my brain is so fuzzy

That it can’t hurt me

She looks at me and looks at the clock and then to the door

I trudge to the exit, silently begging to stay

Knowing that my demons can still smell me out

I crawl along the walk way until I find another haven

It’s locked

So I just kick and punch my way through

Paying no mind to the flesh I’m tearing or the hearts I’m breaking

You’re there, just like you said you would be

For the first time ever, I found what I wanted

So it surprised my exausted heart just as much as yours,

When I looked at you, smiled, and

Ran back out the door