Bre, the Alien Faerie.

Just a few months shy of a year
You’ve ruined everything we ever had before the annual mark
Like a summer thunderstorm, you’re just noise without the weather
And you’ve worn me down, eroding with the rust from your rain
Just a few things you had the chance to change
Gave it up for three days at a time of being care free
Three days of not caring about me
The things that pushed me away from you
You did repeatedly, without remorse
Now you have someone to replace me
An older model no doubt, with a little baggage of her own
That you won’t be concerned with
Living like a parasite
Just sucking down all that you can grasp
That you can easily obtain through deceit
A fool like me, fell for your tricks
A clever girl like me, left
I was ignorant, not dumb
And you picked the wrong bone to pick
Because I’m a tough one
And you’re no match for me
The tables have turned
Now you pine after me and sulk in your self pity
Moving on and happy
I see your every flaw and wonder
What I saw in you, ever
Close minded and weak hearted
You’re not a man, and not a myth
But a small boy, throwing tantrums
Dressing up in sheep’s clothing
Crying wolf
I hope she’s big and bad
And she blows your ego down
I hope you’re irrevocably sad
And you never forget my
Name

Your ghost follows me around and clouds

The front of my mind

I’d try to escape it, if I didn’t love it so much

If I didn’t need you so much

It speaks in a language only I understand

Tells me secrets and lies and stories

I’d try to drown it out if I didn’t

Find the sound so damn beautiful

Your ghost follows me around

And I’ve been trying my hardest 

To learn necromancy

There’s a fire in my gut and blood in my nose

My skin is on fire, and I’m stepping on my toes

I tried to tell you baby, I’m a beast, I’m a monster

But you don’t even waver, no darling you won’t falter

I tried to drown it out, yeah, I tried to just ignore it

But sideways looks and fingers crooked, I picked it up and floored it

Attempt to close my eyes, ends with a wide open epiphany

That I am, only what I am, and to try to change it is perfect insanity

There’s a beer in my hand and smoke in my lungs

When people ask about me, I say I’m only having fun

They can’t see the war I wage, deep in the caverns of my mind

They just see me dancing, and wasting all my precious time

This constant fight against the tidal waves of your feelings,

Is getting tiresome

And the slow torture of the hunger, of the chase,

Is becoming combersome

I’m only begging

No

Pleading to you, with you, and and for you

To just listen and pretend you’re me

Then you could feel this crushing weight of my desire for you

Mechanical and over emotional in the same whimper of breath

I’m being snuffed out

My edges are being softened, preparing to become

Transluscent

Like the stare you give me when I express a fear or doubt

Eventually you’re going to smear me away

Like a splash of mud on your cheek

And I will never have existed at all

This never ending war between what I said and what I meant,

Is leaving a real bad taste

And the frame of my person is twisted and bent,

Just about to break

You saw me standing in the middle of a circle

Pecked on my window from the back of your horse

Asked if I’d like to come outside and see you

Smoked from our left hands on my mother’s porch

And at first I didn’t care if you showed up

But had fun when you would come my way

You chased me round like a summer rainstorm

I ate it up and let you put even more on my plate

I saw you hiding in a spot that I knew of

You got upset when I found you in the dark

There’s not one thing that you could hide from me

No better sleuth than a threatened heart

Then I cared when you weren’t around me

The anxiety is drowning me completely out

I’ve never felt so much, so strong, not enough

All my confidence has morphed into doubt

You saw me dancing on the tail gate of your truck

I saw you watching like a beast hunting prey

I did all I could to please your blue eyes

I always sort of knew, you were going to be this way

It’s like drawing blood from a stone, he said

Trying to get love from you

You’re always protecting yourself, with walls and traps and trigger fingers

It’s like collecting water from squeezing sand, he said

You’re like a puzzle with missing pieces, she said

Constantly changing your form and surrounding light

Flaky and ever changing direction like the wind

You’re like an unfinished picture, she said

You’re like an unsafe bet, they said

Too spontaneous and out of sync with the world

Tried to fit you in but you stand out

You’re not born to this kind of breed, they said

I haven’t the energy to care, I said

Nor the time to comform myself

I’ve been a gypsy queen for far too long now

And I’ll never stay the same

The rest of you are messed up, I said

There’s a long hallway with a dim light

My bare feet creep along the edge of the wall

Tired hands feel for a doorknob

I can hear someone fighting and someone lying

I can make out the sound of

A sobbing child

Chaos soaks the world around me, making all the solid truths into sogging lies

The light starts to flicker and attacks a soft spot in my brain

Sensing the ghosts from my past and future sneaking up on me,

I frantically grasp a knob and turn, falling into a room

My sore eyes take a minute to adjust

And a woman with jade colored hair and magenta colored eyes, helps me to my feet

She says, “Sugar, I can only help you for a little while.”

And she kisses me on the mouth and blows smoke into my lungs

For what seems like a few hours, I’m smiling and my brain is so fuzzy

That it can’t hurt me

She looks at me and looks at the clock and then to the door

I trudge to the exit, silently begging to stay

Knowing that my demons can still smell me out

I crawl along the walk way until I find another haven

It’s locked

So I just kick and punch my way through

Paying no mind to the flesh I’m tearing or the hearts I’m breaking

You’re there, just like you said you would be

For the first time ever, I found what I wanted

So it surprised my exausted heart just as much as yours,

When I looked at you, smiled, and

Ran back out the door

Well, it’s come to this my sweets

You showed every hue of your true colors

And they ran down your arms and legs, vivid enough for me to see from miles

Streamed down your body like the tears from my eyes

And I’ll never forgive you for this injustice to my heart

I’ll never forget the unalterable pain you’ve caused

Maybe I liked it

Maybe I liked it when you left me

And the sting was neccessary for my transformation

Into something you’d wish you’d kept to yourself

I’ll carry the smudges of your brick red lies

The stains of black and blue you left on my confidence

You can look at the tiny pink dot I smeared across your memory

And the flashes of green and gold that made up my eyes

I hope you miss me and it hurts you so much that your chest keeps you from sleeping

I pray my ghost haunts you

Nothing would make me happier

Than for you to wear our colors for the rest of time

Then one day, my chameleon skin will turn to the same pigment of stone

Rebirth will occur and I will be liberated from this torment

Lovers do the starngest things when it is over

You run with alcohol in your veins

I walk with pride under my skin

And away from you

I never asked to be created

But the universe disagreed

So she placed me with a mother

And a father, and something

Like a family

I never asked to grow up

But the journey is unavoidable

Played the cards I was dealt

And slept in beds

That I had made myself

I never meant to fall in love with you

But hearts like mine are hard

To reason with

And I fell from the highest cliffs 

Into the deepest waters

Smiling the entire time, happy

Happy just to be

Yours

Sometimes I feel like a joke

Like a white sheep stuck in a black coat

Sometimes I feel the truth

Has escaped everyone’s mouths and sat down in a booth

Next to the maker of lies

They watch us walk around and start rolling their eyes

They see our blindness and our faults

And the uncertainty in the way that we talk

Like a predator,honesty,creeps up right behind us

And if we try to run from it, somehow it always finds us

So just say what you mean

And say only the things that desperately need to be

We waste so much time spilling our guts

Spewing out complaints paired with the ifs, ands, and buts

When really we should be confessing our hearts

That’s where the lies end and the realness can start

I don’t care about politics or how much that costs

I want to know what you’ve learned, how you feel and what you’ve lost

This skin I’m in feels unnatural

And often times I speak in ryhmes and forget the factual

I get patronized when I make a point

So I open another can and roll another joint

Sometimes I feel like a really bad joke

Like a great big dream, covered in a nightmare’s choke

Sometimes I feel like the truth

Is the only thing saving me from…you